


Batman Is Not Amused

by OkiAshi



Series: Texts From The Batphone [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Gen, impromptu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2019-09-01 22:40:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16774351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OkiAshi/pseuds/OkiAshi
Summary: It's basically the same thing as the last work I uploaded, but different discussions and people obviously. You don't need to have read the last work I posted to read this one, but if you like this work, I recommend you read the other one as well! Also, I'm looking for more chapter ideas, so let me know if you have any! I don't own any of the characters in this work.Batman is bolded btw.DC owns all these characters.





	1. Aquaman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aquaman's sad. My friend (the same guy who came up with the "not paranoid- prepared" line in Texting Batman) worked with me to come up with the plot for this chapter. Enjoy!

Heyyyyyy!

**What do you want, Aquaman?**

I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with me today.

**I don’t. If you’re lonely, go to talk to the fish.**

The conversations with them aren't really the best. 

**Huh, funny. I could say the same thing about conversations with you.**

I know for a fact that that’s not true. My subjects love listening to my stories and talking with me.

**That’s because they’re your subjects idiot.**

It isn't just because of that, Batman.

**Keep telling yourself that.**

*Three minutes later*

I just realized that the 'Cave has water leading into it. 

Here’s how things are gonna go. You’ll hang out with me, or I’ll send an army of sharks to bite your bat butt.

**Even if the sharks somehow adapted to living in fresh water quickly, I have like three different types of shark repellent that would force the sharks to swim away.**

So….. I’m guessing that’s a definite no to hanging out then?

**Yes. Now quit texting me.**

Tomorrow then?   
  


*Batman has blocked you.*

  
  



	2. Dick Grayson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should actually be called Tim's rampage but it's fine.

**What’s going on up there?!**

Alfred took away Tim’s coffee. Apparently, he’s had like five cups. 

You know what he’s like when he’s had too much coffee.

**I do know.**

**Tell Alfred to give back Tim’s coffee.**

I did. He said he won’t.

**Tell him that I told you to say that.**

He said he doesn't care and that you should be up here trying to talk some sense into your second youngest son instead of staring at the Batcomputer.

He wants you to come upstairs.

**I’m not going up there.**

**I’m not ready to look at the chaos that Tim’s unleashed.**

He says to come upstairs now otherwise he’ll bring Tim downstairs.

**NO!**

He said yes.

**Why can’t he text me?**

Because he needs both arms to fend off Tim.

He said he’s coming downstairs.

Oh, wait Jason came in. He can hold off Tim.

**Good.**

Shoot. He walked out again.

**WHAT?**

**GET HIM TO COME BACK.**

I’m sorry.

**What?**

Tim's left Alfred and is coming to get you.

**WHAT?!**

**DICK STOP HIM.**

It’s too late.

I can hear him yelling at you from here.

I’m sorry Bruce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers!  
> I know I usually don't write any notes at the end of the second chapter, but I had to because I wanted to apologize for not writing in a while. I've been having REALLY bad writer's block so I'm sorry :(. The last time I posted anything was (opens another window with Ao3 on it) NOVEMBER 28TH 2018! Wow. That was a very long time ago... But I'm back!  
> Enjoy!  
> Oki Ashi


	3. Tim Drake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim messed up. (Just so you know Tim and Dick are in a different building than Bruce.)

Oh god. 

Dick’s on the floor.

Neither of us can breathe.

We’re dying.

Help us. 

Please. 

*Eight minutes later*

OH WAIT. 

SHOOT. 

WRONG PERSON. 

BRUCE. 

WE’RE FINE!!!!

SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY HAPPENED AND WE 

Oh no. 

I can hear your footsteps. 

BRUCE READ YOUR TEXTS!!! 

PLEASE! 

SHOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT!!!!


	4. Damian Wayne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce has had enough. 
> 
> (I'm sorry this is so long.)

Father, are you done with work?

**I'm in the middle of a meeting, Damian.**

Well, Alfred isn't picking up his phone, so I need to talk to you instead.

**He can't. He's at a play.**

**The plan was for Dick to take care of you while I'm at work and while Alfred is enjoying his afternoon off.**

**He'll pick us up at 5:40.**

I'm aware of that, Father. 

But there's been a change in plans.

We need Alfred to pick us up now. 

**What did you do this time?**

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

It was Grayson's fault!

**Really?**

**Because the last few times you've pinned the blame on your brothers for things that have happened, it's been your fault.**

That's false. 

They've just twisted the truth.

**Just tell me what happened.**

Fine. 

Grayson got us kicked out of the trampoline place.

**How?**

He got us tickets to spend three hours over there. 

Everything was going fine until Grayson started doing flips. 

**Please don't tell me that he landed on a kid.**

He didn't. 

**Good.**

He landed on an employee who was coming to tell him that he shouldn't be doing flips near the children. 

You've been typing for a while, Father. Are you alright?

Grayson wants to let you know that he didn't land on the worker directly. 

I suppose that's true. 

He landed on the trampoline, but the momentum made him slam into the employee.

Then he fell onto of the employee.

The worker was fine. 

He only got a broken nose and a few bruised ribs. 

**That's fine to us.**

**It isn't fine to other people.**

Well, that's their own fault for being weak. 

Anyway, we had to to talk to the manager.

He kicked us out and told us never to come back again. 

**Did he recognize you?!**

**Damian.**

**Answer me.**

Maybe.

*Bruce proceeds to type for another three minutes. He then deletes everything he just wrote.*

**The press are going to be all** **over this tomorrow.**

**Since Dick isn't picking up his phone, tell him that he and I are going to have a long talk when we get back home.**

So Alfred's picking Grayson and me up soon, then?

**No.**

Very well. I'll ask Drake, as much I don't want to.

**He's at the same meeting as I am, so he won't be able to.**

**Jason's out of town, so he can't either.**

Father, it's raining. 

**Then find a place to stay.**

The only place nearby is a mall, and you know how much I hate shopping.

Father?

Hello? Father?! 

Father!


	5. Talia Al Ghul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talia's bored. Luckily, she knows just who to talk to.
> 
> (She's desperate).
> 
> (Also, you'll notice that Bruce is even more short and curt with his texts than usual).

Hello, beloved. Care to talk?

**Can't. On a stakeout.**

Talk to me while you're on the stakeout.

**This requires my full concentration.**

Very well. 

*Three days later*

Hello, darling.

**At a meeting.**

Talk to me later, then.

*1 day later*

You never got in contact with me.

Why are you avoiding me, beloved?

**I'm not.**

**I just have other things to do.**

**For instance, now I'm eating dinner.**

When will you be free?

Darling?

Bruce.

*2 days later*

How's Damian?

Batman.

**He's fine.**

What are you doing?

**Getting ready for patrol.**

Too busy to talk, I assume?

*6 days later*

Talk to me.

**I can't.**

Yes. You. Can.

I have scouts watching your house. 

You are completely and utterly free. 

You thought you could avoid Talia Al Ghul?! 

You make me laugh. 

*At this point one of her servants comes into check on her, sees her laughing crazily, and slowly walks out again.*

**No.**

**I'm not.**

**Tim, Damian, and I are going to the Kent house for dinner.**

You're impossible.

DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT YOU'RE BATMAN.

**I wasn't going to.**

***** Clark's sitting on the couch, watching TV, when his phone buzzes. It's Bruce.*

**The boys and I are coming over.**

????

Uh.

**I'll bring some of Alfred's food.**

**Lois** **doesn't need to cook.**

Okay?

Why, though?

**Tell you later.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> It's time for the halfway though a work check in! (The name needs work).   
> Ok, first of all, I'm sorry that I've taken FOREVER to update this work. I just got out of school recently, and I've been traveling a lot, so I haven't had the chance to write. Also, writer's block has been an absolute jerk.   
> The second point sort of ties in with the first. I'd like you guys to know that I haven't been completely ignoring suggestions or anything like that. A lot of you have great ideas for this work, and I'm definitely going to add them in! However, because of writers block -and other things going on in my life- I haven't had a chance to add them in recently. I just wanted to let you guys know that I am planning in adding in your ideas, and am not asking for suggestions just because. (This is sorta repetitive... I'm sorry!)  
> As always, you guys have been very supportive and patient, and I'm so glad that you all have decided to read my work. Suggestions are always welcome, and I hope you are enjoying this work so far!   
> Talk to you soon (hopefully!),  
> Oki Ashi

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I'm here with another Texting Batman story, (if you couldn't tell). To my newer readers, welcome! My name is Oki Ashi, and I write fanfiction mainly about superheroes and/or their villains. Yeah, that's pretty much it. To my returning readers, hi again! I'm really honored that you decided to come back and read this story as well. (Man, I feel like I'm just babbling now). Two things for the both of you. The first thing is a reminder to some and a new thing to others. I usually check back in with you guys and update you on any changes or any shoutouts I want to make halfway through the work (So I'll be checking in with you on chapter 5). The other thing I wanted to inform you about was that I'm still a little bit in writer's block (that's why it took me so long to make another work). So if you have any ideas, feel free to comment and tell me what they are. Okay, I'm going to wrap this up. I feel like this was too long and I put way too many parentheses in these notes lol.  
> Ttyl,  
> Oki Ashi


End file.
